How I failed at positive parenting methods

Last night I spanked my three and a half year old daughter three times.  She didn’t cry or fuss.  She actually looked at me and gave a little smirk.  AFTER.EACH.TIME! I could not believe it! So, much for these positive parenting methods I’ve been trying to implement! But, then, she proceeded to tell me how angry she was with me for spanking her.  After which, I left her alone so I could go play with my other daughter.  And, would you believe it? When I left her to clean up the mess and shifted my attention to the other girl, she actually picked up the mess – all the while making sure that I was not watching.  Then, immediately when she was done, she came over to play with us and we didn’t discuss any of it again.

She showed me that by helping her to identify her emotions, she is now more capable of voicing them.  She also allowed me to remember, that just like adults, we need time to process and make decisions.  She also reminded me that, as adults, we also are resistant to being watched when we feel we are in trouble.

So, as a quick reminder, here are some positive parenting methods to get you going!

How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk

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Positive Parenting Methods:

  1. Treat children with respect.
  2. Help children to identify their emotions.
  3. Free them from playing roles – remind them of ways that they’ve behaved differently.
  4. Provide alternatives to punishment – or allow natural consequences to occur, not ones you’ve made up.
  5. Praise children for their effort.
  6. Give details about what you see.
  7. State your expectations explicitly.
  8. Do not shame, but encourage autonomy.

And, If you haven’t read the book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk it’s a MUST, for parents and teachers alike.

And, be sure to check out the others from Ms. Faber and Ms. Mazlish:



Why is using positive parenting methods so important?

The way you treat your children is how they learn to treat others. Click To Tweet

They cannot differentiate.  The saying, “Do as I say, not as I do” does not work for young people.  Honestly, it doesn’t work for adults either! Why? Because actions speak louder than words.  We all know that, but when you yourself take time to process things, it’s usually because of someone’s actions.  Now, someone’s actions can also include their words.  And, here’s the perfect activity to show that: Active Constructive Responding.

If you missed it, you can also find out how to introduce positive parenting like a pro!

Your Challenge: Try to implement at least one of the eight items above.  Let us know how you’re doing by telling us your story below!

A bientot,




This article contains affiliate links.  Although I may make a commission off of a sale, it does not raise the price for you.  I also ONLY promote products that I truly believe in!

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